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the air in my lungs can’t escape fast enough.

can’t bring myself to say the words out loud.

LOUD

every emotion and thought feels so loud

like it’s screaming to come out.

somebody lit a match and tossed it in.

my mind is burning searching for something, but it’s futile.

THIS is futile.

going in circles looking for an answer that doesn’t even exist.

pouring thoughts like a river flowing.

where does the river end? does it ever really end?

do i want it to end? what’s at the end? enlightenment? peace?

Chaos.

it feels like chaos in the channels.

all thoughts cause chaos.

today.

most days.

chaos.

mostly mental.

always romanticizing something or someone.

it’s almost never real.

made up, dreamy and unrealistic.

is it ever time to stop?

to slow the river enough to sleep?

dreams too intense to forget

giving signs that i’m in under my emotional depth.

bodies of water that i never seem to get into.

why don’t i get in? am i afraid?

maybe i’m just too tired of feeling all the time.